Why Wasn't I Born in the 1920's?

Of the few compliments on my appearance that I've received in my life, I would say that the majority of them come from elderly women that come through my check-out lane. You're the best looking checker they've had in a while and You're a handsome young man are the type of things I hear from horny old ladies that want to jump my bone.

I don't think I could ever bring myself to have a sexual relationship with a geriatric, which could really put a damper on my career if I ever want to realistically do it. There's just something about kissing those old, wrinkly lips (and I'm not just talking about her mouth) that would probably scar me for life. And knowing that "Let me slip into something a little more comfortable" meant that she was changing into a clean diaper would just be too much.

Sorry, ladies, if you were sixty years younger I'd consider making out with you. As it is now, I'll just let you give me a blow-job. But take your dentures out first.