Wednesday, January 29, 2003

We Are Gonna Be Friends

I'm falling in love with a girl that lives across the hall from me in my dorm, and I really wish I wasn't, because she is absolutely not interested in me. I hate having a crush on somebody. I always feel so immature. Boys in eighth grade have crushes on girls; young men in college . . . don't.

She's nice, she's pretty, I enjoy talking to her (which is a rare find for me, seeing as I hate talking to people), and she has a sense of humor similar to mine. Dammit! I wish I believed that there was "someone for everyone." But after nineteen years of little success with the one girlfriend I did have and broken hearts with all the girlfriends I didn't, my chances of finding "the one" seem to keep growing slimmer.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

The End of That

I once had a place where I felt safe, a quiet place where I could be me. It was My Place. It was good. It was a lot of fun and jokes, but there were also some bad things, some sad things. But it was My Place and I loved it.

Well, being so comfortable there, I thought I would invite some friends and family so that they could share in my happyness. But when they came, they told me not to talk about the things that made me sad or angry. Their intentions were good; they only wanted me to feel joy. But they didn't realize that in My Place, expressing how I felt about these things gave me joy. It was the release of bad emotions that made me happy again.

So, I tried to comply, not wanting to upset my family. But sometimes I just needed to vent. . . . Sometimes I needed to vent about my family and friends. So I'd go to My Place, I'd get my problems off my chest, and I'd move on contently. But my friends saw it as me attacking them. Where I viewed My Place as a safe house, they saw it as my forum to bash them. This was definitely not my intention, and to them I say, "I'm sorry."

I left My Place and found a new place, here. I hope this place will be as comfortable as my last place had initially been. I also hope to not make the same mistakes I made with my other place. This is My New Place. Welcome!

Circa Now