Sunday, February 19, 2012

Dating Again

If you had told me ten years ago -- hell, even two years ago -- that I would frequently be going on multiple dates with beautiful women, I would have been incredulous, to say the least. But my dating ventures of late have been incredibly different from anything I've ever experienced before. Recently, women have gladly accepted my first date proposals, and most have been earnestly interested in second and third rendezvous, some even making the suggestions themselves! Even those that haven't been interested in dating further have cordially explained that they were not interested. I have not been on a bad date since I started dating again in December.

All of this is not to brag. I mention these things to contrast them to the previous four years of dating. Sure, I went on the occasional first date, some with women I was attracted to, and I met someone who would later become a great friend (and former roommate). I even had a short-lived relationship that I was pretty satisfied with (until the end, obviously). But I never found dating particularly enjoyable. It always seemed like a means to an end, a necessary evil if I was ever going to find a partner in crime.

So, for the past month or so I've been trying to account for this stark difference. How have I been able to go on more dates with more women in the past two months than in my entire time in Chicago previous to this; and why is dating all of a sudden fun?

One of my friends has suggested that confidence is the reason. And perhaps I am more confident now than in the past. Since moving to Chicago, I've definitely become increasingly more self-reliant and self-assured. Though, when it comes to women, the intelligent and beautiful ones still intimidate me as much as they did in 6th grade. Perhaps I'm just slightly better at not being awkward about it now.

Another possible factor is that I don't take dating so seriously now. I used to feel that there was something riding on each date, that I had to do something impressive and say the right things and be on my best behavior or else ... or else what, I'm not sure. I don't know what the impetus for the change was, but recently I've ditched that sentiment in favor of doing whatever the hell I feel like. I only suggest activities for dates that I would do anyway on my own and I don't try to play down the fact that I'm kind of a weirdo. I've eschewed any sort of agenda and just focus on having a good time with a new and interesting person. I definitely feel more relaxed now, and I'm sure my dates appreciate the sincerity, even if they aren't particularly a fan of my oddball demeanor.

I think, though, that the most important explanation as to why I'm enjoying dating so much at the moment is due to the women that I've chosen to date. For whatever reason, I had previously been attracted to energetic and boisterous women, the ones that ooze charisma and laugh loud enough for the whole room to hear them. However, past and recent experience has shown me that this may not be the ideal type of woman for me. Instead, I've been shifting my focus to the more reserved, demure set. I'm finding that these women tend to better appreciate my subtle (oh-so-subtle) charm, and, in turn, I'm much more able to relate to them.

Circa Now