Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Kiss the Cook

I was recently wondering why humans cook their food. It seems like something so basic, but, at the same time, curious. Humans are, as far as I know, the only animals that prepare their food by cutting it and applying heat. When did this trend start? And for what reason? I came up with some ideas -- perhaps ancient man discovered that cooking some foods reduced the chances of him getting sick from eating foods that had been kept for some time, or perhaps because it simply tasted better -- but I was never really satisfied with these suppositions.

Jake Young of Pure Pedantry reports on an in interesting hypothesis that cooking allowed for an increase in human brain size. Cooking appears to be a form of pre-digestion, making eating more efficient by reducing the amount of energy it takes to process the food we eat. If a food is already chopped or mashed up, that means less chewing. If a food is heated or boiled, that means that its proteins and enzymes have already begun to break down -- less stomach churning.

Even if it weren't more energy efficient, I'd still want my food to be cooked. Nothing beats a good grilled steak and mashed potatoes.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Bumper Sticker

I was driving down the highway, minding my own business, when I checked my rear view mirror. To my surprise, I found a pair of eyes staring back at me. The eyes themselves didn't surprise me, nor did the fact that they stared at me intently. Rather, their proximity is what left me startled. The last time I'd checked there was no one in my back seat.

The eyes were almost close enough that I could have counted the individual rods and cones. Yet, these peepers were owned by someone in a separate vehicle. The vehicle behind me. Right fucking behind me.

I'm not the kind of guy that would put a bumper sticker on his car, but driving in Kansas City for the past nine months has made me want one that says If you can read this, you're too close.

Actually, I'd want something with little more oomph: If you can read this, get off my ass! or Why don't you check my prostate while you're back there?

Or maybe I could try reasoning with tailgating bumper-fuckers with something like I'm not afraid to wreck my Pontiac. How much do you like that Lincoln?

Anyway, I once took up thinking of bumper stickers that I wouldn't mind seeing on the road on my drive to work (way back, when I had to commute to Kansas). Here are some that I remember with a few more recent additions:

  • I'm not a crazy woman driver. I'm from Johnson County.
  • My other car is a bigger piece of shit.
  • My child is an honor student, but I'm still and idiot.
  • If this car is driving straight, the driver is having a seizure. Please assist.
  • Kansas: We don't hate black people ... just as long as they live in Missouri.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

More Me, Less Josh

The Magster's dad slipped up and actually called me by my name today. For the past six months he's been calling me Josh.

I guess I'm moving up in the world. It's too bad that means Josh is moving down.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Wedding Count

I went to another wedding last weekend. That's number three for this year. I've got two more lined up in a couple months. Five total. That beats last year's record of four weddings. And this year, all the weddings have been my friends, none have been The Magsters.

So, if you really want me to go for the gusto, friends, go ahead, get married, and invite me to have free food and drinks with you. I seriously won't mind.

Circa Now