Thursday, March 31, 2005

Mitch Hedberg

Stellar: I'm so fucking bummed about Mitch
CynicalMcBastard: yeah, i know, dude!
CynicalMcBastard: what the F is that!
CynicalMcBastard: c'mon, mitch
CynicalMcBastard: like, seriosly, fuck the pope, bring back mitch
Stellar: I SAID THAT TOO! How DARE the Pope get read his last rites when Mitch ACTUALLY died. Fuck CNN, they covered the wrong damn story

Be Careful What You Wish For

I can remember wishing in 7th grade that I could just be normal. I wanted to blend in; I wanted to be average.

And now, all these years later, I've finally achieved this. I'm an average student with a normal job; I just blend into the crowd.

Sometimes I regret wishing that in 7th grade.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Quothe Banquo

"And oftentimes to win us to our harm
The instruments of darkness tell us truths;
Win us with honest trifles, to betray's
In deepest consequence."

There Is Nothing New Under the Sun

I've got nothing original to say.

But I'm gonna keep on talkin'!

Sunday, March 27, 2005


She writhed on her bed for a moment before finding the most comfortably contorted position. Still the pain in her abdomen did not subside. She squeezed a tear out of her eye clenched shut.

Without warning the pain increased ten-fold. She arched her back, thrusting her stomach into the air. She gripped the bed with white-knuckled hands and tried to scream; she wheezed and coughed up blood.

With a wet slap and a spray of blood, a black and greasy proboscis sprung from her midsection. The girl's eyes rolled back and she fell limp onto the bed. The proboscis 'sniffed' the area of the girl at it's base, then investigated the girl's face. With a whimper the proboscis bowed it's 'head' in reverence for it's mother.

Thursday, March 24, 2005


Well, I'm twenty-two years old now. So, I guess it's official: I've wasted my youth.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Day of Four Posts

I hate it when I can't sleep at night. It throws off my whole day, my whole week. I was in bed awake until 5am or so this morning, and then I could hardly stay awake in classes today. And when I got home I took a two hour nap. Now I'm finally fully awake and I know that I'm not going to be able to fall asleep again tonight. It's a [vicious] cycle (which is a lot like a motorcycle, but with less engine and more teeth).


Does anybody actually like banana-flavored runts?


Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday. How lame is that?


You know what I miss? Ska. And hackey sack. And wallet chains.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Kiss Me, I'm Irish!

Fuck You, I'm Italian!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Resident Evil

My roommates and I have been absorbed in the Resident Evil games for the past few weeks. I just finished Resident Evil 4 and have moved on to Zero, while one of my roommates is playing the remake of the original, and the other is struggling with Resident Evil 3: Nemesis.

The Resident Evil games are excellent. They are sometimes genuinely creepy and scary while at the same time being campy and overdone. And the storylines are pretty twisted, complicated, and intertwined (except for 4 where some characters from previous games all coincidentally happen to find themselves halfway around the world in a situation where a completely different town has been overrun by zombies).

It's a shame that the movies couldn't have been a better reflection of the games. First of all, they didn't seem as dark and grimy as the video games, or as nearly claustrophobic and lonely. And there were too many bullets and not enough puzzles. In the games again, except for RE4, in the games the player had to conserve ammo and solve lots of puzzles (that were surprisingly and intricately incorporated into seemingly normal mansions, laboratories, and police stations). But seeing as puzzles are interactive and movies are not, perhaps it's best they left this out. And while the movies had pretty good plot twists, it lacked suspense. This is not to say that these were bad movies, but they just weren't very reminiscent of the games.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Addicted to You

Stellar: I'm becoming addicted to this game
Cynical McBastard: looks lame
Stellar: It LOOKS lame. So did the Fishy game before you got hooked
Stellar: You looked lame at first too, but I got addicted to you :)
Cynical McBastard: haha

It's a Trick!

My cat has been really nice to me today, making me think that he's probably going to kill me tonight and dine upon my flesh.

Friday, March 11, 2005


  • I'm drinking apple juice out of a champagne glass.
  • I have been carrying a spoon in my pocket for half of the day.
  • My cat made a huge mess with his litterbox two days ago, and I still haven't cleaned it up.
  • I just farted.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

El Scorcho (Dios Mio, Soy un Dorko)

"How stupid is it? I can't talk about it; I gotta [write a post] about it, and make a record . . . of my heart."

Press pause and say something. Say something. Say anything. Like that fucking John Cusack movie. I really like Grosse Pointe Blank. Minnie Driver kinda sucked, though. But it was cool when he killed a guy with a pen. Then Minnie helped dispose of the body. I want a chick that will help me dispose of a body.

You're almost there. Put your thumb on the pause button and think of something to say. Like... Fuck, this is hard. I don't have anything to say. That test was hard? No, that's stupid. That movie was funny? No, that's lame. I killed a man with a trident? No, that's weird. I liked Brick. I love lamp.

Focus. Hey, I wonder what's in those boxes that girl is carrying.

Focus, dammit! OK, something to say. Hey,... do you... like... stuff...? Good one. So, what's up? Is that all I've got? I can write fucking poetry and stories and essays and speeches, and all I can come up with is 'So, what's up?'

OK, there's approximately three seconds until the point of no return. Do I say something lame? Two seconds. Or do I say nothing at all? One second. Turning head, opening mouth...

Abort! Abort! Fucking abort! Keep walking. Walk faster. Walk into the fucking sunset.

"How stupid is it? Won't you gimme a minute. Just come up to me and say hello . . . to my heart."

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Monday, March 07, 2005

Sunday, March 06, 2005

The Cure

Why didn't anyone tell me The Cure were so good? That's ten years of good music that I've missed.

Friday, March 04, 2005

On My Way to Becoming a Twenty-Something Hipster

I got an iPod Shuffle. I'm a trendy fuck.

Circa Now