Dont' Tell Me This Isn't a Good Idea

Do you know what I think could solve a lot of problems in this country? Problems like welfare costs, over-crowded prisons, and unemployment. Slavery.

No, hear me out on this. I think slavery could really work in the 21st century, with the right legislation, of course. Hell, civil and animal rights laws already cover half of it as it is, all you'd need is a couple more to regulate the fine details of slavery. Laws such as one preventing children from being slaves and laws preventing slave owners from making their slaves work without certain amounts of food and rest.

What? Slavery was outlawed with the Emancipation Proclamation? Ah, that flimsy, hundred-year-old document would never hold up in a modern court. Slavery is against the Constitution? Since when have Americans been governed by that useless piece of crap. "Freedom of speech . . . ." Dont' make me laugh. If history has taught me anything it's that Americans can make any damn silly law they feel like at the time, and then later make another damn silly law to repeal the first one. I think slavery falls under this catagory.

But why and how would anyone become a slave? Well, you've heard of welfare, right? Let's do away with it and make everyone who can't (or won't, in some cases) get a job a slave. If they find a job later, then they can appeal their slave status and go back to being a full citizen. If not, then they stay a slave, and instead of not working and living off the government, they would work and live off of some slave owner.

Another way a person would become a slave is through the judicial system. No more would judges have to condemn someone to life inprison or death row. Instead they could condemn them into life-long slavery. Cruel and unusual punishment? Ha! I'd take slavery over prison any day. As a slave I would be free to do as I please (as long as I've finished the work my owner set out for me) and there would be a whole lot less people around that would want to bum-rape me.

I'm sure there are many more applications for slavery. And I'm sure if the word "slavery" didn't have such a negative connotation on it, this plan to solve our country's problems could probably be taken seriously.

Speaking of problems, do you want to hear my solution to prevent World War III?