Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Cutfoot

From now on -- and without an explanation -- she'll be refered to as "Cutfoot." All that needs explaning is that I like her (whatever that means) and that I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me. On with the story:

Sunday night (early Monday morning) I couldn't go to sleep because I was thinking about Cutfoot. This is nothing new, but it is odd because I haven't really thought of (pined for, rather) her in a month or so. Well, the next day at dinner I saw her in the cafeteria. (Keep in mind that she lives across campus in a dorm with its own cafeteria.) Me being me, I didn't say anything to her. So I guess it's not just coincidence when I saw her again later that day in the library. Thinking that maybe this was a sign from God to talk to her, I approached Cutfoot and struck up a conversation.

Maybe I suck at making pleasant conversation, maybe she really wanted to get back to studying, or maybe Cutfoot just really hates me, but that was one of the most painful conversations I've ever had. She basically looked off into space while I talked, and when I asked her questions she would give me the briefest of answers. Trust me, it was gruesome (even for a conversation between me and an attractive girl, which usually end with forced smiles and rolling eyes).

Despite all this, after I gave Cutfoot a hasty "good-bye" and walked away, I felt free. I don't have to worry about impressing her anymore. Cutfoot has absolutely no interest in me, and knowing this for sure makes it so much easier to just walk away. No more thinking about her late into the night. No more wondering what she'd say if I said this. No more pining and wishing and hoping. No more.

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