Adventures in Craigslisting, Part 6: Captain Obvious

I put my car up for sale at approximately 9:40 in the morning. By 10:21, not even an hour later, I received this email:

From: [Capt. Obvious]
Subject: 1997 Pontiac Grand Am

Let me know if you still have this car for sale.

[Capt. Obvious]

I know that some people don't pull their posts down even after they sell their item, but I think one can usually assume that an item will not be sold within 40 minutes of it being posted. Trying not to sound too condescending, I explained to Capt. Obvious how Craigslist works:

From: [Mr. McBastard]
Subject: RE: 1997 Pontiac Grand Am

I will take the Craigslist posting down once it is sold. As long as it is up, it will be for sale.

--[Mr. McBastard]

I received this response:

From: [Capt. Obvious]
Subject: RE: 1997 Pontiac Grand Am

You're in brookside right?

Well, I know that this guy was just trying to get more information about me and my car. But instead of reading the details that were readily available to him on my Criagslist post, he decided to annoy me instead. One question at a time. I envisioned his next email would be "Is this a Pontiac Grand Am?" and then "Is it a 1997?" and then "Is it a car?" and so on. Plus, at this point, I had already contacted several other Craigslisters and I wasn't up for any more moronic shenanigans.

So, I sent this facetious response:

Please see the attached diagram. [Pictured to the right.]

This was the reply:

[Mr. McBastard],

If you could provide an address and a time I could look at your car tomorrow that would be great too. A simple yes would have been less work for you too.

[Capt. Obvious]

Capt. Obvious's response was surprisingly calm. My following response was not. I'd like to say that there was some excuse for what comes next, but the fact that I'm an asshole will have to suffice.

[Capt. Obvious],

Because you had such difficulty in comprehending some of the basic concepts of my Craigslist post -- that I was indeed selling a car and that I did, in fact, live in Brookside -- I think that simply providing you with my address may prove fruitless and would probably only result in more questions.

To avoid any further confusion, I briefly considered constructing several more diagrams outlining how to get to my house at an appropriate time (complete with cartoon versions of you, myself, and my car). However, in your last email you seemed unappreciative of my previous visual aid, so I quickly abandoned this tack.

So, instead, I propose that you provide me with your address and a time that I could come by tomorrow and lead you to my house. This course of action may be more effort on my part, but it could prove to be better and safer for everyone involved.

--[Mr. McBastard]

But don't worry, dear readers, Mr. McBastard gets his comeuppance:

I can appreciate that while you seem to write very well that you are a little self absorbed. Maybe you have too much time on your hands and in the preparation of your "diagram" you became a little light headed from the effort required. Good luck in your efforts to sell your car and when you're finally able to offload your car you'll be able to go back to your video games, porn and cheetos. I asked a few simple questions and your taking offense to those questions would lead me to believe that while possibly having a high IQ you've put yourself into a life situation that makes you lash out at others because you've been able to squeeze yourself into a pathetic life. Good luck with that [McBastard]

Well, jokes on him; I don't even like Cheetos.