Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Limbo

Yesterday was my 20th Birthday. Guess what I got. Disease! I got to spend the entire day in bed yesterday because I was sick.

But despite being sick, I did have a pretty good birtday. My friends bought me a ton of food (because I always mooch food off of them), my grandparents sent my some money, and my friend Mel made me a blanket.

I also received two e-mails from my father, my biological father. I haven't seen or heard from him in four years (which, granted, is not entirely his fault) and then on my twentieth birthday I get two rambling e-mails saying that he loves me and hopes that I know Jesus loves me too. How does a guy respond to something like that? "Thanks for the birthday wishes, Dad. Oh, and don't worry, Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so." I guess four years ago, I expected the next time I would talk to my dad was when I was a hot-shot, twenty-something, successful career man. Then I could rub it in his face and say, "I did this all on my own. I did this, with no help from you." I'd like to think that I've matured in the past four years, but I'm pretty sure I haven't.

But now, I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm twenty years old. I'm one year shy of being a full-fledged adult, but I'm no longer a wonton, carefree youth. What am I? I'm 20! I'm in a year of limbo. I'm in a year of waiting for the next stage of my life. I'm . . . I'm . . . I'm . . . . Oh, who am I kidding? I'm still just a kid!

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