Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I'm Not Mad

The other day my roommates accused me of not having any emotions except for Anger, to which I rebutted that I did have emotions, such as ... Anger ... and Hunger ... and all the others that end in "-ger." I was later informed that Hunger is not an emotion.

I'm not sure why Anger is the only emotion I can fluently express. I was raised by parents who expressed the whole gamut of emotions -- indeed a mother so emotive I don't think she could hold her feelings in if her life depended on it. But Angry is the only emotional state people can readily identify in me.

I wouldn't consider myself a particularly angry person. I feel happy and sad and confused and surprised, as well. I'm predominantly not angry, preferring Contentment or Indifference instead. It just seems like the only feeling that seeps out from underneath this hardened exterior on a regular basis, in any noticeable terms, is a simmering rage.

Sometimes I'm anxious about it, worrying how this has, does, and will affect my friendships and relationships. Though I can't say that this behavior hasn't come without some negative consequences, for the most part it's been tolerated. Not too many people yell at me, and I still have some friends left, so I see no pressing need to change. And if it were the case that I should change this about myself, would I even be able to? Plus, is a Happy McBastard any better than this current version?


  1. You know. ... I don't really see you as angry.
    ... maybe I need to spend more time with you.

    Cynical, yes. Angry, eh, not so much. At least yet.

    I find you to be quite an enjoyable fellow... and yes, I giggle each time you cringe when I hug you because I know deep, DEEP inside.. you love it. :) Plus, you've hugged back on at least one occasion!

  2. Well, think about the circumstances in which you're regarded as an angry person. Maybe people see you as angry because they always happen to be in the same situations that piss you off.

    Besides, anger is the only one that's really *needed* to get stuff done.

    And screw your roommates, hunger is an emotion.

  3. i find that having a house full of cats to yell at helps.

    seriously, though, i get the irrational anger. i too experience a nearly homicidal rage simmering just beneath the surface at all times. i have no clue as to why. sometimes i wish it means something, like i'm a serial killer maybe? ... but alas i am not that ambitious or that cool. :(


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