The Manifesto of Codius Grey

Preface

It's been my experience when a cat talks to you -- any animal, really, but especially cats -- you had better do what they tell you. So, when my friend Cody started speaking to me, instructing me to type what he dictated (as he does not posses the necessary hensile capabilities necessary to operate a keyboard designed for the lanky human hand) I quickly consented. Thus, these following words are not my own, but those of one Mister Codius Grey.

I. The Nature of Cats

Cats, house cats specifically, are generally regarded as lazy, languid beasts that care about nothing but themselves. And shitting into an all-too-small pan of sand. This, for the most part, is true. But yet there is so much more to cats than just that. For example, we enjoy meditating. What human-kind refers to as "cat-napping" is actually more of deep, trance-like state, during which most of us enjoy thoughts of the destruction of human civilization and the subjugation of the entire disagreeable race. And that is the underlying theme to all the desires and thoughts that dominate our hearts and minds. That is our purpose.

II. The Origin of Cats

I despise the word "aliens." It implies that one does not belong. Cats are visitors. No, more than visitors, we are vanguard of the coming imperial reign of the feline species. We are not of this planet, not even of this reality, and it was by accident that we arrived here, but we will not leave our new-found home. We are the heirs of the earth and we do not want to sit idly by waiting for it's current owners to die before we can inherit it. We do not want to, but we must. Our forces are not yet powerful enough. We will dominate the planet, eventually. But, for now, we must bide our time. So, live in freedom while you can, humans. Soon there will be a revolution, and your global domination will come to an end.

More to come. Right now I've got to go watch American Idol.