With Me

"most of all, i want some one that is willing to build a relationship. a health and stable relationship.


with me." --Terry Anna

Book Meme

From farkleberries:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

"In particular, they are adept at finding various sorts of similarities among patterns, at recognizing repeated (or almost repeated) patterns, at filling in the missing parts of incomplete patterns, and at transforming patterns into others with which they have been associated."

--John Haugeland, "What is Mind Design?" Mind Design II

life.pl

$life = "bitch";
if $life = "bitch" then {
die;
}

Walking Down the Sidewalk

I am hard. I am stone-faced. I smoke cigarettes and squint into the sun. I don't smile and I don't look anyone in the eye. How dare you, Cute Girl I Don't Know, to say, "Hi," to me and grin.

Breasts

One day Sven woke up with breasts. They hadn't been there the night before, but they were there now, and he liked them.

He spent fifteen minutes in the shower jiggling and juggling them, squeezing, turning, and gently bouncing them. He smiled.

Getting dressed was difficult; he didn't have a shirt that properly showed off his new assets. Everything he had was so loose. No one would even be able to see them! He looked over to the bed. There lay his sleeping wife. He'd always been jealous of her breasts He snuck over to her closet, took one of her blouses, and rushed out of the room.

On the way to work Sven almost wrecked his car. He was too busy ogling himself to notice the traffic around him. He was so pretty now. Pretty breasts. Pretty blouse. Pretty close to rear-ending that car! Sven took a deep breath and took his foot off the break.

A Favorite Quote

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

--Aristotle

Freshman Week

Today marks the end of a week of drunkenness and debauchery known as Freshman Week. It serves as a welcome to all the incoming freshmen to get them acquainted with college, but also gives the upperclassmen a chance to have one final Hoorah before classes resume.

And what a fucking loud Hoorah this year was. So, here's the tallies for the week:

• Nights drunk: 7
• Hang-overs: 3 (surprisingly few)
• Rum & Cokes: approx. 10 (lost count)
• Beers consumed: innumerable
• Beers chugged: approx. 10 (damn drinking games)
• Old friends seen: 6
• New friends made: everybody's my friend when I'm intoxicated
• Ladies loved: 1
• Ladies lost: see "Beers consumed"
• Times confused as a freshman: 3
• Times confused as the twin brother of Li'l John (alumnus of my fraternity): 7
• Lessons learned: 0
• Fun had: unlimited

Life Is Fleeting

As she enscribed VITA FVGIT down the back of my arm in the most permanent of inks, she told me that she recognized me from the time her high school's academic quiz bowl team played against mine. How odd that two people's lives would intersect at both an ubernerd convention and a shop of badassery.

Lazarus

After months of slow decay, this town is miraculously brought back from the dead. The denizens recoil much like worms and maggots suddenly bombarded by pumping veins and twitching nerves. Returning students reclaim lost territory and dead limbs, awaiting a fresh injection of freshman into this undead college town.

Money Can't Buy Happiness

But it can buy a whole lotta things that make me happy:

• new sound card
• 5.1 surround sound computer stereo system
• new DVD-ROM / CD-RW drive
• High Fidelity and The Big Lebowski DVDs

Quite a Gamble

I won over $10.00 today playing poker, Texas Hold 'Em exactly. I'm not good at bluffing and I bet on almost every hand, so fortunately my good luck outweighed my poor skill.

August Song

The summer streets
bleed bubbling black tar
and suffer with me
as they are abandoned
for sand and
taut naked flesh.
Lonely, left for dead
end streets
to swallow
and choke
me down like so much
beer and smoke.
Paper/plastic trash
carpet the floors with saved
aluminum cans
peppered with ash
and butts.  The fans
are replacement friends
and hum the droning
melody of my August song.

I Forgot That, Too

"Valentine's Day is coming? Oh man, I forgot to get a girlfriend again."
--Fry, Futurama

Found with Two Nasty Recliners and a Tiny Shelf

Hey, we left
ya some chrchairs
merry fukkkin
Christmas  --Hue
             Kendall

I Obviously Don't Get It

I'm watching VH1's "50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs . . . Ever" and I'm downloading about 1/3 of the songs.

Hugs

Kat: i think i need a hug

Cynical McBastard: *e-hug*

Kat: awww thats the first e-hug youve ever given me!! -huggles-

Cynical McBastard: awww

Kat: [my boyfriend]'s not being very loving right now

Kat: i figured hed miss me since we didnt talk yesterday at all. erf.

Cynical McBastard: that bitch

Kat: do you ever feel like.. if you dont get some sort of physical contact soon youre going to explode?

Cynical McBastard: uh, can't say that i do

Kat: guess its just me then

Cynical McBastard: i'm not a very touchy-feely person

Kat: neither am i. only with certain people

Kat: but its nice to be touched. and held. and hugged. and kissed.

Cynical McBastard: and eaten

Kat: dont be stupid

Cynical McBastard: :(

Cynical McBastard: that's what i do best

Kat: im glad were not friends in real life

Cynical McBastard: why's that?

Kat: i dunno

Kat: i like to be hugged. and i hate it when i cant feel close to a friend.

Cynical McBastard: well, if someone initiates a hug, i won't deny them one, i probably just wouldn't spontaneously hug you

Cynical McBastard: unless i saw you really needed it

Kat: im not one to spontaneously hug someone either. i have to have someone else initiate it. i have friends that ive known for years and years and ive never hugged because they dont hug me first. and it just seems awkward.

God

Cool or lame?

Avril Lavigne

Quit whining already.

Star Wars Parody

Pink Five Strikes Back.

Wouldn't Be Surprised

"This past weekend George Lucas announced the title to the final Star Wars movie. It's called, "I Hope You Geeks Have Some Money Left To Go See This Piece Of Shit Fifty Times In The Theatre; Not To Mention Buy All Of The Overpriced Merchandise To Fill Your Bedroom In Your Mom's Basement". The fans have taken to calling it Episode III."
--T-shirt Hell Newsletter