On Tips and Tippers in Kirksville

(I enjoy stereotyping as much as the next guy, so I will.)

Working as a waiter in the small college town of Kirksville, I've found that there exist five kinds of tippers (keeping in mind that I'm assuming the following groups received average service under normal conditions):

1. Fogies usually come in in the mornings, stay for several hours, drink eight cups of coffee (Decaf, mind you; they don't want to be up all night), and leave between 5 - 10% tips, mostly because that was the industry standard back in 1952 -- the last date their Alzheimer's-riddled brain can remember.
2. Bible-Thumpers come in after church with their families. One shouldn't expect too much of a tip out of them because after all, they only tip their God 10%.
3. Townie Families consist of at least two parents, one grandparent, and twice as many children as there are adults. And there is usually one child that cries, spills his drink, can't control the volume of his voice, or (if you're lucky) all three. Despite the price of the food purchased, townie families usually leave about 50c to $1 per head.
4. Townie Businessmen think they are very important, but being the biggest fish in a puddle doesn't make you any more significant than any of the other fish stupid enough to be trapped, floundering in a puddle. They often treat servers like shit and cocktail waitresses like whores. They know how to tip well, but usually look for an excuse not to.
5. College Students are often thought to be poor, and it's a common perception that they don't know how to handle money. But the best tips one will get in a night will be from college students that know and understand that you are trying to make it through college just like them.