Monday, May 24, 2004

Icarus on Daedalus

From 5 millaria in the air, the sea appears to stop churning an dlooks as smooth as a glossy piece of blue pottery. The coasts and shorelines strike jagged edges into the deep azure shard of clay. It is quite impressive. As one flies higher still above the water, it seems to grow paler, and conversely, the sky seems to grow darker blue. Of course, this transition is slight and hard to notice while slowly climbing in altitude, but when falling head-first toward the water, it's much easier to notice.

As it's told, my story is a tragic tale. It is often used as a morality lesson: Children, listen to your parents' advice; it could save your life. And parents, well, don't strap flimsy, make-shift wings onto your child and expect them to fly.

I blame my father. If you know my father, then you're doing better than me. If he stuck his head out of his workshop for long enough to have a conversation with me, then I felt lucky. For the most party, though I avoided him. When he was working on one of his projects, I knew better than to bother him. Whether it was armor for this king or a sword for this god, I knew that I was much less important to him. But I never complained.

Then he decides to piss off King Minos and get us both thrown into the Labyrinth, an endless maze of my father's own creation. You can bet you ass I complained then. Being cramped in the dark recesses of that eternal dungeon for months was torture enough, but in addition I had to listen to my father. "I'm sure it's this way. Oh yes, I remember building this trap. Wait, this is not how I designed this on my blue-print: oh, I could just kill those builders!" He would drone on and on for hours while he was trying to find his way out. After a while I almost believed that he was going to wrong way on purpose because he loved his architectural masterpiece so much. But eventually we got out. I remember it was just before dawn and I still had to squint because the sky was so bright.

The my father gets this idea in his head that we should fly -- literally fly -- off the Isle of Crete to escape King Minos. I suggested just building a boat, but my father was paranoid; he was convinced that King Minos would find us. And besides, my father was not one to take criticism well, especially not from me.

So, he builds these two sets of wings for us out of sticks and string and wax and Zeus-knows-what-else. Then he ties them on and tells me, "Stay close to me." Not once did he mention anything about melting wax, not once! But after being cramped in the Labyrinth for what seemed like an eternity, never more than a pace behind my father, I had to use my new-found freedom.

I soared. I felt the cool air on my body, and I had never felt as good. I could stretch my legs. I could smell the salty sea breeze. I could be a kid. And so, yes, I did disobey my father. Yes, I flew off into the great blue, doing barrel rolls and loop-de-loops. But for once I was actually having fun.

So, when I saw Apollo riding his fiery chariot across the sky, I decided to go say "hello." I should have known something was wrong. When Apollo saw me, he had a surprised look on his face and he was shouting something. Of course, I didn't know that my wings were melting off and that he was shouting for me to turn back, so I kept flying up and up and up. When I got within earshot of him, it was too late. I fell faster than Helen of Troy's panties, screaming all the way down until the very second I hit the water.

They say my father wept for me and searched for my body, but I doubt it. They also say that he build a temple to Apollo and put my wings in it as an offering. That I can believe. Leave it to my father to turn my death into another one of his building projects.

Monday, May 17, 2004

New Room

I now have my very own room. This is only the second time in my life that I've had a room all to myself, the first being in highschool when my brother went off to college.

It's got my bed, a small dresser, a table made out of a keg and piece of plywood, a love seat, and, of course, my computer. It's great!

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Miles Solitarius

sic emeritus
meritus miles in castris
Cupidinis redit

cum non thesauro
manu domum peruenit
ipse solus est

miles aedis et
lectum ad somnum parat; se
tradit somnio

ille somnit
de preeliis amoris
bellis uictoriae

sed cum somnium
finit non corpus juxtum
illum nocte est

Monday, April 26, 2004

Rise and Shine

     Sunny-side up,
mocking our squinting faces and grey dispositions.
We stumble-walk through the kitchen with yawns like foghorns
warning of our approach.
     The grease dances on the pan with excitement,
     sounding like a thousand tiny voices cheering,
while we sit in grumpy silence,
     shoveling brightly colored eggs and orange juice
into our undead mouths.
    Last night we lived like tomorrow would never come,
and this morning our eyes burn like vampires' in the dawn.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

One of the Most Important Things about Being a Waiter...

... is mastering the Art of Not Being in the Way. With servers, busboys, cooks and managers pumping through the kitchen like blood, you'd better not clog that artery or the whole back end of the restaurant will seize up like a fat man having a heart attack.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

On the Chalk Board in the Chapter House

"I pooped!"
--Tod

"Me too!"
--Kendall

"You forgot to flush!"
--BJ

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Utica, MO's Greatest Love Affair

Our love will last like the spray paint on the side of the water tower
that stands as a monolithic tribute to these past two years.
Like Napoliean's Arc De'Triumph,
every time I pass by the white pillar
I'll be reminded of your conquest of my heart.
As grand as the Colossus of Rhodes,
this pearl obelisk will be a herald
to all those passers-by one Highway 36
that our love is strong.
Our love is like this steel spire,
as sturdy as the metal,
as filled with joy as the tower is with water.
And that is why I wanted the whole world to know that
"I LOVE TIFFANY JOENEAL."

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

This Week in Pre-Review

"today is monday. i am already tired and weary from a week that has yet to happen. i feel like i’m planning ahead, getting on the ball by being already so beaten down. i’m no procrastinator!!"
--Oblivio

Monday, April 12, 2004

Before Noon Is Too Early

Sunny-side up
mocking our squinting faces
and grey dispositions.
We stumble-walk through the kitchen
with yawns like foghorns
warning of our approach.
The grease jumps on the pan with excitement;
more energy than either of us could muster,
sitting in grumpy silence,
shoveling brightly colored
eggs and orange juice
into our numb mouths.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

The Last Supper

I was joking. Really. "This is my blood, drink. This is my body, eat." That's my shtick. I don't know, maybe cannabalism was just funnier in my day.

It was our last supper together. We all knew it; I had to ease the tension. Judas was usually the funny one, but he had other things on his mind that night. So it was up to me.

So, this crazy toast I made when I was out drinking with the guys, is called 'communion' now, huh? It's so strange to think that our last night of fun has been turned into a stodgy religious ceremony. Leave it to the Christians to turn merriment into monotony.

Ghost of Cowboys

Cowboys do not cry,
even when shot, bleeding, and in pain.
For tumbleweeds rolling by,

it's common to see such men die,
and to tip-toe past where they remain.
Cowboys do not cry,

though they may release a weary sigh
and finish singing their last refrain
for tumbleweeds rolling by.

Looking to the expansive sky
for answere about lives lived in vain,
cowboys do not cry.

It is said that when cowboys die
their ghosts scour the plain
for tumbleweeds rolling by

which their spirits may occupy.
Do not shed tears for slain
cowboys; do not.  Cry
for tumbleweeds rolling by.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Where Have You Been?

You didn't write! You didn't call! We were worried sick about you!

I know; I've just been so busy --

I don't want to hear any excuses, mister!

I'm sorry. Really, I am. It won't happen again, I promise.

Oh, come here and give me a hug. I can't stay mad at you.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Spring Break 2004

Sleeping, working, drinking.
Sleeping, working, drinking.
Sleeping, drinking, smoking.
Sleeping, smoking, working, drinking.
Sleeping, drinking, drinking.
Sleeping, smoking, working, drinking, tripping, smoking.

Yep, that about sums it up.

Friday, March 05, 2004

Tip

Don't let other people borrow your car, not even your friends. They will wreck it.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Love Soup

Dedicated to Michael, Kim, Joey, James, Stephen, and Mikey

Many of my friends, a lot of "the guys,"
are scrambling to find fiancees and mates,
all of them dropping like so many flies
into the sticky soup of Love; that plate
that is either cold or too hot to eat
or has a gross fleck floating on top.
But my friends still continue to repeat
their mistakes, flying head-first into the slop.
It seems soup is the one thing that flies
can't avoid, like moths to the light bulb or,
better yet, pigs to the slaughter.  I would
like to think that after so many tries,
I would just give up and let the soup pour
down the drain.  Give it up and call it good.

Monday, March 01, 2004

The Life I Lead Outside the Bathroom

I'm only ever really alive when I'm in the bathroom, when I'm taking a monster shit and contemplating "God" or when I'm masturbating in the shower mulling over the meaning of life. Everything that happens outside of the bathroom is just filler. Eating, sleeping. It's all just a means to an end. But in the bathroom, the only end is the limitless expanse of thought and dream inside my mind.

I guess you could say that outside the bathroom I am living. I breath, my heart beats, blood pours through my veins. But I'm only ever really alive when I'm in the bathroom.

Sunday, February 29, 2004

Indoctrination

Part I
On the far socer field,
behind the track and baskeball court,
we were the same.
We shed our Starter jacket skins,
and laced up whatever shoes
our parents afforded.
We came to play soccer,
not to win.
There was no winning
in the sixy minute break
from the indoctrination
into adulthood.
On that far soccer field
we were equals.

Part II
We creashed our cars,
wrapping our Lincolns and Lexus
around light poles.
We threw our money into the ocean,
and razed banks --
funeral pyres for debt and financial gain.
Wall Street burned down,
but still we could not go back.

Odo et Amo

With an open window
to the freezing winter,
we fight battles in the bedroom
just to stay warm,
to break the monotoy in two
and throw it into
the flames.
I would rather burn,
screaming in the heat, than
shiver with cold indifference.

Film Recommendations

I watched the movies Dummy and Secretary tonight, and I very much enjoyed both of them.

I particularly enjoyed Dummy because I wish I could separate the two distinct voices in my psyche: There's the annoying guy that's always telling me I suck (Cynical McBastard), and then there's the shy, quiet guy who just wants to be left alone most of the time (Shy, Quiet Guy Who Wants to Be Left Alone Most of the Time). Sometimes, they/we don't get along.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Sick Pervert

Well, I don't have testicular cancer, but I did feel like shit for the past couple of days, and am just now starting to feel better.

Despite being ill Friday night, I attended my fraternity's annual Mardi Gras party. You may remember some of the fun & interesting things that occured at last year's party. This year was somewhat less exciting (as there were no fights or makings-out for me), but there were boobs (and lots of 'em) and that's good enough for me.

Circa Now